Bladderful of thoughts (Thoughts full of bladder)

Note 1: If you have a weak heart or appetite that cannot bear words like bladder, urinary system etc., do not continue reading the post
Note 2: I promise not to write about health conditions or doctors in the next 3 posts
Note 3: Even as I was conceiving this post, I realized that "Three men in a boat" still has its influence on me..will soon get over it

I had been to one of my school friends' marriage last week. He is a doctor now and the bride too is a doctor. The marriage hall was full of doctors, been-doctors, soon-to-be-doctors and will-be-doctors. The bride's father is a professor and hence there were many doctors from that line too. Because of that and owing to illness, it seems as if I spent last month with more doctors than engineers.

I have not been feeling 100% bhupeshy in this one month period even after having recovered from a prolonged fever. I decided to see a doctor who had done some higher studies on medicine just to see if all that education helps him really. So, I woke up early this Saturday @9.30 and after checking with couple of sources, went to one of the big hospitals in Coimbatore. I told the doctor my symptoms. He asked me if I had fever recently and if I had shivering in the night. My answers were "yes" and "oh yes". Then he asked if I had discomfort while urinating. I told him, "slightly", now convinced that the education was really helping. He thought I might have stone formation in the bladder. He asked me to get a UltraSound scan of the abdomen and also take a urine test.

Happy that I was now getting promoted from antibiotics and syrups to Ultrasound scans and urine tests, I called my folks and told them about it. My father thought the formation of stone was due to the heat and because I was always in office..my mother felt it was because I was married to my laptop and spent most of my time with it...my cousin thought it was because Irfan Pathan bowled two stupid balls to Dhoni in the Kings XI Vs CSK match. Finally, my sister declared that it was because I repeatedly made fun of how relieving it is to get one's bladder empty and she referred to two of my earlier posts in this blog as examples. That seemed to be the most convincing reason of all. I thought the doctor should be able to figure all that out by seeing the reports and I went to the US scan centre first.

The notice there read: "Do not take food for 4 hours before the scan. Get the bladder full by drinking 2 litres of water or 2 tender coconuts. When the bladder is full, please let the nursing assistant know". The nursing assistant gave me the same instructions again. When it comes to urinating, I am like a dog that raises its legs at every lamp post - meaning - I could do it anytime....but I felt, my bladder wasnt full enough for the occassion at that point and took 2 glasses of water..not convinced, went out and took a glass of water-melon juice...and then one tender coconut. I felt full and went to the scan centre. The nurse asked me to come back after an hour as the doctor had not arrived yet. While I was wondering if I could it hold it that long, she suggested that I should probably get the urine test done. At the lab, I was given a small container to get sample. When I gave back the container, the attendant asked if it had enough for a sample....I said I could actually contribute for the tests of the next 3 patients in queue. She said, such an idea could only come from someone who studied management. When I said, I am an engineer, she felt that explained it even better.

I had one hour now to be passed. I called my room-mate and I told him of what happened. I asked him if he could bring the book I was reading to the hospital for time-pass. He asked me the title and I said "Go kiss the world"...he said a more apt title to read at the point would be "Go piss the world". I applied some time and travel concepts and realized that I will not be able to meet him before my scan appointment and asked him not to bother.

Anyways, I got busy filling my bladder again. I arrived at the scan centre few minutes before my scheduled time. The place had a lot of pregnant ladies for the scan. I hoped they didnt misplace the reports and declare me pregnant. The nurse was calling out names and I had to wait for my turn. It was well past my appointment time and my name hadnt been called. I would not have minded it had it not been for my bladder being full. I anxiously went to the nurse and asked when my turn would come. Then she realised that she hadnt noted down my name at all. I told her that I could not hold long and that to get my bladder filled again would be far more difficult than emptying it. She seemed to empathize with my situation and immediately called out my name. As soon as the scan was over, I ran like a mad man to the restroom.

With both reports in hand now, I went to the waiting room. Before the doctor arrived, I had to empty the bladder again twice. I must have drunk some 4 litres of water. When the doctor looked at the report he said he didnt see any stones in the report. I told him that even if there had been a diamond in my bladder, it would have dissolved in the gallons of liquid I had taken that day. Then he did the routine checks and wrote down the names of some anti-biotics. He asked me to take them for 2 days and made me sign in blood(I fancy that he might use it for some testing), that I will not make fun about emptying the bladder. Ofcourse, I got an exception for this one post.

When I returned to my room and took a tablet out, I was amazed. It was so big that, if it went undissolved to the bladder, it could increase the water levels in the bladder,like how the clever crow raises the water level by dropping stones inside.

Moral of the story: Drink 2 to 3 litres of water a day even if you are a camel, to avoid stone formations. Even though it turned out that there was no stone in my bladder, I was all the time thinking that I may have to spend the rest of my life trying to dissolve it. (On the hindsight, I was also thinking that the amount of coke I drink must be able to erode even a rock).