Sans principle

image courtesy: http://www.gettyimages.in

I was in the railway station waiting for the train to arrive. There were others in the platform, waiting anxiously. To remain calm when there is just three minutes to the scheduled arrival time of the train, requires one of the following to be true - 1. You are into Zen 2. You are so used to Southern railways 3. You are plain lazy. In my case, it was a mix of the three in the reverse order - in descending percentages. I was looking at one of the railway employees as he went through his daily chores on the tracks. I lost sight of him after few minutes. There was no train yet. A strange feeling crept into my mind, that the train might have arrived in another platform while I was following the man in blue and that I might have missed the train. It was then that I became conscious of the stinking conditions. The smell gave me the assurance that I was in real life waiting in the right platform. If you have watched 'Inception', you would understand if I call it my "Totem".

The auto-voice in railway PA system kept requesting passengers' attention with the trademark 'diding diding' sound. In a fraction of seconds, the train made its grand entry. I looked for the name board and confirmed that it was the train I was to take. People were running hitherto tither to to occupy the seats already reserved for them. I nonchalantly waited for coach D6. When the train stopped, D6 was right in front of me. I looked for my name in the name chart. It was there. Still, I knew I would feel comfortable only after the TTE had checked my ticket. I stepped in.

I knew where to find seat 97. I found it, but a lady was already seated there. That did not surprise me anyways. People board reserved compartments with highly optimistic hopes that someone somewhere would miss the train and destiny in collusion with the TTE would gift them such seats. But my aggressor had to find luck elsewhere because, 'Catching the train on time' runs in my blood, except on occasions when I miss a train. I had to tell her that 97 was my seat. She must have understood, but still she asked me if I had a reservation. After I gave the 'Indian affirmative' - that is - shaking the head up and down, she rose and let me perch. All the seats in my vicinity were occupied. The lady must have shifted to another coach...I thought.

In a few moments the train had started moving. People were sill trying to figure their seats mostly because those with unreserved tickets were still continuing their 'Occupy Empty Seats' movement. After some negotiations and sub-reservations, the population settled down, leaving some of the 'unreserved' travelers "seat-less in Seat-tle". I wanted to avoid assessing the demography of the standing travelers and decided to quickly immerse into a book I had brought.

Even as I was totally into the book, going through the chapters, I was aware of the commotions of a usual train journey. The sharing of biscuits, ground nuts, magazines, political ideologies, tourism guidelines, mutual care-taking of the seat for the toilet-goers. I reluctantly looked up after sometime and instinctively started assessing the travelers. I could see about 12 people standing near the doors, the vestibules and the pathways - women in late forties and sixties, school going kids and physically weak men. There were others whom I could not see from where I was seated.

The gentleman sitting opposite to me - must have been around 60 years of age - got up and went in the direction of the toilet. All of a sudden, the aggressor lady was back and she took the seat. In a moment she fell asleep...or acted so. I wondered what the gentleman was going to do when he returned. Would he wake her up and claim his seat back? After waiting for about five minutes, I went back into the book. But, my brain started working on the ideology dilemma - yet again.

People know very well that, on a Saturday, a train between Coimbatore and Chennai was going to be full. They are well aware that they are likely to travel the entire journey standing. Still, they opt to take the train even without a reservation. They may or may not know that boarding a reserved coach is a punishable offence. Those who board in spite of knowing it, do so hoping that the TTE would be benevolent. I wonder if they ever consider that the TTE, in letting them travel, fails in the duty he is paid for.

Do the old men, women and the children choose the option out of choice or out of compulsion? Do they have jobs and functions to be attended that are more important than the pain of a standing journey. I wonder whether I should get up and offer them my seat. Should I impose the burden of their irrational action, upon me in spite of having spent many minutes planning the journey and paying the extra cost for reservation?

Then I think about their possible compelling situations. It may have been a last minute plan change, it may have been an emergency. Theirs, may be a choice between having to travel standing in the bus or travel standing in the train. The choice may be between the price of bus ticket and train ticket. Or, it could be a case of having missed the previous train.

While I was into the above thoughts, I noticed that the gentleman had returned and he was standing near the door. The lady woke up for a moment, saw that the gentleman was standing at the door. He was not looking at her. She took him for granted and went back to sleep. The sixty year old man, seemed to have decided to sacrifice a few minutes of his travel time for the seemingly tired 40 year old woman. This man, was much elder to me. He had a reserved ticket with him. So, I thought I would be right in offering him my seat. I made up my mind, got up and went to him and asked him to take my seat. He took it readily, which meant, he badly wanted to be seated, but still was being noble in not waking up the lady. May be he was reminded of his daughter.

Many times it is difficult to choose if one should act like an individualist or communist or realist or communitarian or idealist. It is simpler to go by instinct - sans principles.

Busy for Nothing

Dot 1
It was a saturday in 2000. Early days of college life. As a member of the "Leo club", I was helping with a blood donation camp organized within my college campus. Many of the readers of this blog being my college friends or co-workers, you probably know very well that I tend to be over-serious and hyper-responsible on such occasions, whether the occasion demands it or not - mostly not. This friend of mine, a girl, had been trying to get me out of the scene of action to say something (may be something like, "you stink"). I said, I will be there, but was continuously engaging someone or was just creating a "I am busy" atmosphere. Finally when I walked up to her and said, "sorry madam, I got busy"....for the first time she called me "Busy for nothing". That she continued to address me "Mr.Busy for Nothing", till the end of college, even in the slam book and that some of my other friends too started calling me so, is history. (That she also used to call me 'Badmash' (Rascal) is something I am making public now).

That phrase has become so much a part of me that, when someone asks me "Are you busy"...I often say, "yes, for nothing".

Somewhere in 2009, on one of the many lazy evenings, I started thinking a little deeper about the phrase. Ever since I joined college, I have always been busy with my own agenda. I haven't spent as much time with friends or family as others would have done. At least, till end of college, the 'busy'ness had been useful to others or myself. But, after taking up a job, all I have been focussing on is getting things done at work - more and more. For the most part, I have remained totally tuned out with respect to other aspects of life like - knowing the world, knowing people, travelling, thinking about investments, thinking about smarter career moves, getting license, filing tax, or even changing the address in my passport. But, that evening, it just ended with saying to myself, "How correct she was!! Oh boy, she is an oracle".

Dot 2
Again in 2009, I happened to watch the bollywood movie "Rock On" on Netflix. For those of you who do not know, it is a movie about how 4 college friends start a music band and then life takes them in different directions - 3 of them being successful in their line of work. Some incidents bring them together after few years and they resume the band. I liked the movie very much and still is in my list of favorites. That movie made me feel guilty about a few choices I made in life and many things I failed to even take a step towards.


Dot 3
After returning to India,one of the first things I did was to reload my i-pod with some latest songs. Thankfully, the friend who did it for me had "Rock On" in his collection. After shifting to Coimbatore, I happened to travel a lot between
Coimbatore-Erode-Chennai. For the first 2 months, my ipod was a great company during these travels. I played the songs from "Rock On", in a loop. Especially, the lyrics of "Sindbad the sailor", haunted me. Sometimes I felt very inspired, sometimes I felt sad and many times I felt a lot uneasy about the cliche choices I had made.

On one of these many travels, I wanted to listen to something other than "Rock On" and "Vinnaith Thaandi Varuvaya" and scrolled through the list of songs, when I stumbled upon podcasting of a collection of books. I started listening to "The Natural Mind - Waking up" by Alan Macmillan. I did not finish listening to the complete audio of the book...but, the few chapters that I listened to were very thought provoking. They made me think that I am a very insignificant being considering the timelessness and vastness of the universe and there hasn't been anything purposeful done by me to claim the special right to exist here.

Dot 4
I stopped being blind and deaf towards the everyday pain that people undergo to meet their basic needs. I stopped being critical of the beggars and less-intellects. I stopped thinking that my standard of living was because I had some special survival skills.

The hunger, the crowds, the fight to get a seat in the buses, the lack of courtesy to another human being are not new to me. I have grown up amidst this way of life. But, because I was developing empathy towards the less fortunate, I started viewing life through a different prism.

Dot 5
One of the significant personal improvements after returning to India has been the availability of time to read books. I have brought down the number of fictions I read and increased the count of non-fictions. Some of these books - "Go kiss the world", "7 habits of highly effective people", "A fist full of rice", "Thiruppumunai", "Mystics Musings", "The google story" - rekindled questions which have always been in my mind, but have been ignored in the pursuit of happiness as defined by the south-Indian society - score marks, go to a good college, get a job, focus on career, go abroad, buy a house, buy a car, marry a girl (a beautiful one), have kids, put them in the best of schools. The translated book "Thiruppumunai" - original version in English titled "Making breakthrough innovations happen" inspired me greatly. Also my interactions with my friends Suren and Anitha who are working with a non-profit organization made me question my aspirations in life. I started feeling uncomfortable to remain in the 'safe zone'.

Dot 6
Attaining the age of marriage meant attending the marriage of many school and college friends. During these gatherings, I got to meet some old friends most of whom had chosen the usual text book way of south-Indian life. However, I also got to meet few friends who had dared to think differently. These guys inspired me.

During a chat with my close friend Suresh who is preparing for Civil Service Examination, he explained me what and how he was preparing. The preparation and process was so interesting and immediatley I recognized that, that was exactly what I have been wanting to do. I seemed to have found something to hold on to. Something that would give me the satisfaction of treading the road not taken. After the chat, I was searching for something in google and stumble upon a page that quoted from "The Alchemist" - "When you really want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it".

After a month, I submitted my resignation. From April 12th, I will be a student again. I will be busy, hopefully, not for nothing.

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Post-Script
Here is a speech by Steve Jobs about connecting the dots. Hopefully I will connect my dots - if not - I will find other dots.

Picture courtesy: http://bjovanovic.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/solutions-and-possibilities/

அவசரம்

(picture courtesty - please read the link at end)

சிறுநீர் கழிக்கும் முன்
கண்ணில் பட்டது -
கழிவு நீர்ப்பாதையில் சிக்கிய பூச்சி

ஒன்றுக்குப் போகும் அவசரம் எனக்கு
உயிரே போகும் அவசரம் பூச்சிக்கு

http://headinjurytheater.blogspot.com/2006/06/urinal-fun-in-amsterdam.html

பிறப்பொக்கும் எல்லா உயிர்க்கும்

குளிக்கச்செல்லும் முன் அன்று உடுத்திக்கொள்ள ஆடைகளை ஒவ்வொரு பையாகத்தேடி, கடைசியில் வெகு நாட்கள் திறந்திடாத ஒரு பையைத்திறந்து, அருவருப்பில் தூக்கி எறிந்தேன். காரணம் பைக்குள் மீசை முறுக்கிக்கொண்டிருந்த கரப்பான் பூச்சி. சில நொடிகள் ஆசுவாசப்படுத்திக்கொண்டு, பையை மீண்டும் எடுத்து எப்படியோ அதைப் பையிலிருந்து வெளியேற்றினேன்.குளியலறைக்குள் சென்றால் அங்கும் இருந்தது ஒரு கரப்பான். அறைக்குள் கரப்பான் இருப்பது உறுத்திக்கொண்டே இருக்க, குளியல் மீதான கவனம் குறைவாகவும், கரப்பான் மீதான கவனம் அதிகமாகவும் கொண்டு "சனி" நீராடினேன்.

கரப்பான், தேள், பூரான், மூட்டைப்பூச்சிகள் போன்றவற்றுடன், சிறு வயதிலிருந்து கொண்ட அனுபவங்களின் நினைவுகளில் நனைந்து வெளியேறிய போது, உடலெல்லாம் கால்கள் ஊர்வது போன்ற உணர்வு மேலிட்டது.

ஜன்னலருகில் பக் பக்கிய புறா, என்றும் ஆனந்தம் தருவது, இன்று ஏனொ வெறுப்பை ஏற்படுத்தியது."காக்கை குருவி எங்கள் ஜாதி", என்று பாரதியை நினைத்துக் கொஞ்சம் சாந்தப்பட்டுக்கொண்டேன். சிலந்திகள் மீது கல்லூரியில் காட்டிய கரிசனம் நினைவுக்கு வந்து மேற்கூரையைப் பார்த்ததில் பகீர் என்றது. ஒரு குளவிக் கூடு இருந்தது. அதில் குளவியேதும் இருக்கக்கூடாது என்று என்னை நானே கேட்டுக்கொண்டேன் (கடவுளோ, காப்பர் சல்பேட்டோ, எதன் மீதாவது நம்பிக்கை வைத்திருத்தல், இது போன்ற வேளைகளிலாவது உதவும்).

என் எல்லைக்குள் அன்று பலரும் அத்து மீறுவதாய்ப் பட்டது. அவ்வெண்ணம் தோன்றி ஓய்ந்த மறுகணமே, எது என் எல்லை என்று எங்ஙனம் தீர்மானமாயிற்று என்று எண்ணலானேன். கரப்பான்களை இதற்கு முன்னும் என்னறையில் கண்டிருக்கிறேன். அவை வாசம் செய்த அறைக்கு நான் வந்தேனா, அல்லது நான் வாசம் செய்யும் அறைக்கு அவை வந்தனவா என்று தெளிவாகச் சொல்ல முடியவில்லை. எல்லையை என் அறை என்று வைத்துக்கொள்ளாமல், இந்த விடுதியோ, இந்த நகரமோ என்று வைத்துக் கொண்டால், பெரும்பாலும், இந்தக் கரப்பானின் முன்னோர்கள்தான் எனக்கு முன் குடியேறியவர்களாக இருக்க வேண்டும். எனில், நான் அல்லவா, அவற்றின் எல்லைக்குள் அத்து மீறியவன்? குளவிக்கும், புறாவிற்கும் கூட இது பொருந்தும்.

உருவத்திலோ, புலனறிவிலோ பெரியவன் என்கிற ஆணவத்தில் அல்லவா இது என் எல்லை ஆனது? எவை, எங்கு, எப்படி இருக்க வேண்டும், எப்போது என்ன நடக்க வேண்டும் என்பதை ஓரளவுக்குத்தீர்மானிக்கும் வலிமை உள்ளதால், மனிதன் இந்தப் புவிக்கு உரிமை கொண்டாடுவதுதான், மக்களாட்சியா? இப்படிச் செய்வது தான் முன்னேற்றம் என்று தீர்மானித்துக்கொண்டு, பழங்குடி மக்களை அவர்கள் இருப்பிடத்தில் இருந்து வெளியேற்றிவிட்டு அங்கு ரிசார்ட்களும், ஏவுகனைத்தளங்களும் அமைப்பத்தற்கு ஈடான செயலாகும், குளவிக்கூட்டைக் கலைப்பதும், சிலந்தி வலையைக் கிழிப்பதும்.

தலையையும் எண்ணங்களையும் துவட்டியவாறே கண்ணாடி முன் நிற்க, பின்னால் சுவரில் தெரிந்தது கரப்பான். அதைக் கொல்வதா, வெளியேற்றுவதா, அப்படியே விடுவதா என்று மூளை முப்பது வகையாக யோசித்தது. முப்பதும், ' நான்' என்னும் அகம்-பாவிதான்!

அறையை விட்டு அகற்றவே உரிமை இல்லாத நான் எப்படி, அவ்வுயிரை உலகை விட்டு அகற்றுவது என்று தெளிவடைந்தவனாக, இருப்பினும் உயர்திணைத் திமிருடன், கொஞ்சம் அன்பாக அதைக் காகிதத்தில் பிடித்து ஜன்னல் வழியே எறிந்தேன். அது புறாவிற்கு உணவாகலாம், உரிமை கோரி மீண்டும் என் அறை வரலாம்....வந்தால் மறுபடி விரட்டுவதில்லை என்று தீர்மானித்துக்கொண்டேன்.

படியிறங்கிச் சாலையில் நடக்கையில், சுவரொட்டியில் இருந்த பாரதியாரின் கண்ணைப் பார்க்க வெட்கமாய் இருந்தது.

வ(வா)சிக்காமல் விட்ட பக்கங்கள்

அந்தக் காலாண்டிற்கும்

'சிறந்த பணியாளர்' விருது வாங்கி வந்த இரவில்,

அறையில் இரைந்து கிடந்தன

காது மடிக்கப்பட்ட பல புத்தகங்கள்.

Yellow Wood - II

"Every decision made is interleaved with another, causing all the happiness and disappointments in life. Every decision small/big has butterfly effects that are small/big. The decisions could be good or bad. What is good for one could be bad for another. What is good for one could be bad if taken two days later. What is good for one in US could be bad for the same one if he/she were in India.
But, it is decisions that run this world. One cannot run away from decisions.

So, what is it that one should consider while making decisions?"
(From http://alpha-beta-blogma.blogspot.com/2009/04/yellow-wood.html)

• It is going to be difficult to avoid the 'advice' tone in this post...I am going to try my best.

• My thoughts below are not towards materialistic decision making ("Canon Vs Sony" type decisions).

• I am no expert...but to me there are just three steps in decision making.

1. Knowing what one wants.This is the first and biggest step in decision making. More often than not, decisions are made based on what the society/community expects from one. At least in India, one blanket rule that applies to decision making is "what will people think or say if I choose to........." and so majority of the decisions don't even involve much thinking. For example, most people from a well-to-do family choose Engineering or Medicine as their career-path. That is a tailor made decision. (Before someone else points out - I chose engineering not because I liked designing modern machines, devices and business applications, but because I was perceived to be a bright student who should 'wisely' 'choose' to do engineering).

'What one wants' does not stop with that. It has different sub-steps - 'wants now', 'wants in 5 years', 'wants in 10 years'.

Prioritizing: Let us assume that 4 or 5 opportunities have presented themselves. The choice that keeps one closer to what he wants, should be chosen. Say one wants to start a new business and also wants to pursue studies and for some reason (say, money), both can't be done at the same time. The business opportunity may not knock the door again.

Timing of the decision: This is a fast-paced life. The world evolves at every degree of its turn. It does not present the same face to the sun everyday. There's always a next person trying to grab one's opportunity. Decisions are expected to be made at the spur of a moment. It is very difficult to make a choice without knowing what one wants. Sometimes, it is best to postpone a decision and wait for the next opportunity - rather than taking a hasty decision. But in the meanwhile, be assured that you will again face a similar situation and better be prepared to make a decision then.

Research: Wherever possible, sufficient research should be done on the object of decision. It is not at all good to take a decision because most people took it. An attempt should be made to relate the choice to one's own aspirations.

Prioritizing, Timing of decision and Research all require the knowledge about oneself. Knowing what one wants involves lot of self-analysis. It comes with practice. And it need not be very specific to the point of wanting to be a ".net programmer working for a multinational company"...it can be as generic as "working among youngsters in an air-cooled office".

2. Never Regret. It is a waste of time. Once a decision is taken and when it is late to pull back, just move forward with it. This will require some compromising - which is better than regretting and getting all the energy drained. To that point, do not make a decision that might disturb you later, emotionally.

3. Watch Out. Whether you have decided to postpone a decision or you know that you have a taken a wrong decision, watch out for the next opportunity. One of my friends wanted to be a teacher....but because of family situation he had to look for a better paying job and became a programmer. He was looking for an opportunity to switch to a similar line of job. He became a trainer in his company. Now he gets to teach and also pursue his programmer job.

Well...that's my chicken soup for the deciding mind. As I stated before, one cannot run away from decisions. It is best to train the mind with small small decisions....wherever possible. When there is a choice between two restaurants, do not shy away with a 'anything is fine for me'.....when you have to choose between Canon S110 and Nikon S630, do not buy what your friend bought without doing sufficient research...when you have to choose between red dress and blue dress, don't take all the time in the world to decide. Small decisions like this which don't have a big impact to your life, will train the mind and ease the process of big decision making. So, use every opportunity to make a decision, make it fast and be prepared for the big occasion. Have a blast!!!!!

Added on June 21, 2009:
Comment left by Vinayak:
"But, we might not always get a chance for step wise decision making. You sure yours works for selecting a life partner?! Your post just misses about instinctive decision making!
I take most decisions on instinct, and have never regretted so far"

Bhupesh:
I am sure there's more to decision making than I have written.....and I agree with Vinayak that for many people instinctive decision making works. Frankly, the post did not take the direction that I wanted it to because I found myself less-equipped than what the topic demanded.

Yellow Wood

When my father made a stubborn decision that I should go to a different school for my 11th and 12th grade classes, I still think, that the only thing in his mind was that I should get a better score to be able to enter a top rated college for my "Engineering" (That was my decision versus his "Medicine") . It turned out to be a good decision, not because I got a good score but because, the new environment made me a better individual fit enough to compete in the struggle for existence. Being amongst the new crowd, re-engineered almost everything about myself. If I removed those two years from my life, I might not have walked out of college with a job in hand.

When I look back, that's the last time I remember him supporting the bicycle from behind. probably he knew that it was time for me to ride it by myself and may be fall a few times if that is what it takes to learn bicycling. Of course he has been there to guide on few occassions, but he let me make all the decisions in personal life or career thereafter.

It hasnt been easy taking decisions. Especially, with what they call "the quarter-life" crisis. It isn't just two roads that diverge in the yellow wood. Every road taken diverges, triverges and more often multi-verges. It may have been possible for Robert Frost to always take the one less trodden by. But I have very rarely taken the one less trodden. Sooner or later, I have always taken the path that many took. At the best, I try to wear a different shoe....and has that made any difference? You know, I know, 'No' :)

Decision making is a subject that I keep thinking about often. Obviously, I have written about it before, in the pre-blog days. I decided to write again now.

Scientifically, it is greatly amusing that nerves across the body use chemical and electrical synapses to communicate and thereby simulate a certain action by the body. Not all reactions happen on the fly! Some actions are based on past experiences. So, the nerves have to first identify peas in the plate, then search the folder "past signal repository" on "eating peas" and send back signal to my hand, eyes, tongue, nose and mouth - "Don't eat. Roger", then the hand has to send "Copy that. Roger". Sometimes it has to apply over-rides and say "peas prepared by friend with love. Applying override. Breach recommendation. Roger".

Now think of this - the signals about aversion towards peas is supposedly on the left side of the brain and the emotional operations of the brain are on the right side. So, everytime my eyes sense peas, the left brain has to generate orders which then are reviewed by the right brain to see if any over-rides need to be applied. What complex machine am I? Well...those of you who just thought about "God", had one pulse sent down from right brain. And those of us who just thought about "corpus callosum" had one pulse sent down from left brain....and then those of you who thought both - dont worry, you can survive on this most trodden road and do not have to take "left" or "right" in the next road and I am not going to influence you take "left" :)

Suresh, my close buddy, once said - "This is happening to me because I made a decision a while ago, but I dont know which one". I have often thought, how deep that statement is. Every decision made is interleaved with another, causing all the happiness and disappointments in life. Every decision small/big has butterfly effects that are small/big. The decisions could be good or bad. What is good for one could be bad for another. What is good for one could be bad if taken two days later. What is good for one in US could be bad for the same one if he/she were in India.
But, it is decisions that run this world. One cannot run away from decisions.

So, what is it that one should consider while making decisions? Thoughts???? If anyone wants to write on this elaborately, let me know, I will be very happy to send you an invite to be an author in my blog.

I dont know the answer to this question, but I have decided to try to come up with something within the next 8 weeks.

If this post was written by someone else, and that person were to end it right here, I would feel like kicking him/her. I am ready for the kicks - keep them coming....!

(Part II - http://alpha-beta-blogma.blogspot.com/2009/06/yellow-wood-ii.html)

Love and my first blabbering post

"What according you is love?", was the question a friend recently brought up during a weekend gathering of 6 of us from my friend's circle. 5 years back I would have immediately thrown in my 2 pennies. The few grey hairs that decorate my side burns now, made me keep quiet. I knew the answer was not easy. I said, "I dont know". Sometimes the biggest wisdom is recognizing "I still dont know". This night, my mind is clogged with questions. So, here I am sitting under an imaginary Bhodhi tree and a 60 watts aura around me, with the knowledge that I surely wont attain enlightenment.

A couple marry. The wife loves the husband very much. They are the 'made for each other' couple. They have the 'new couple' craze for may be the next 1 year....then the craze gets tainted with the daily house hold disputes. They have not stopped loving yet.....just that they are entering a differen stage of love.

After 2 years, a child is born. The wife is a mother now. Most of her time is spent on the child. Has the love for her husband stopped? No, she still loves him. But she has someone more special to take care of now. The love spectrum has undergone a major shift.

The kid spends time around his mother most time for the next 4 years. I dont have to say that the mother's love is the purest and probably never ending form of love. The kid may not understand it at this point, but eventually he will, when he is in Appleton - away from home, writing blogs. The kid starts going to school, makes friends, meets teachers. Some kids, because of the kindness and fondness shown, love their teachers. I have seen kids who chose 'Betty Miss' Vs. Mom.

The kid becomes a teen. He reaches a stage of independence. He meets new friends. Develops new habits. He starts spending more time outside than in the house. The teachers thrust assignments. The parents thrust discipline. Naturally, he loves his friends' circle more than anything else. He has no respect for his mother/father/teacher. He may or may not love his parents depending on the pocket money and importantly how they accept his friends.

[wait now, have you already raised your eye brows and started jotting down points to retaliate? Read my disclaimer at the end. Hail the discoverer of disclaimers!!!]

The teen goes to college. He makes some special friends here. At college, especially in hostels where everyone is deserted from their family, where there isnt much to do beyond class hours, where there is so much fun, hobbies, love failures, shortage of pocket money and bad mess food, a bond develops which is stronger than the bond with siblings. Some of these frienships would continue life long.

Then eventually, there is a special one. Now, he would walk the sea, bend the sky, pluck the stars and die if needed. This could be love or infatuation. As if it were grammar, this passage should end with "What is the difference between love and infatuation?"

Infatuation eventually dies. After 2 years, assuming that there was no proposal/acceptance scene, the girl becomes an academic interest. "Oh she is doing MBA..?...I see", "Oh she married that guy Vinoth...?!?...I should have probably given a try". But - love - wherever she is, he cares for her. He may not walk the sea, bend the sky, pluck the stars, but he would sit with her one whole night listening to her problems...he would sacrifice a cricket match when she is in town(it is a big deal, girls!!)...his phonenumber/password/car registration something has her name/nick name. He never frowns that she did not marry him. He just wishes her good luck.

Well ofcourse, he could marry her and not do any of the above.

A couple of passages back we introduced some people called "life long friends". They are still there. But each of them is running his own love thread. So, the love among the friends is assumed to be global constant 'k' and can be used wherever the equation needs them.

Let us say he marries the special one. We have made a circle and come to 'New couple craze'. Wait....I ignored the mother for a long time....well, not me, HE. Right after his teenage, the love for his mother has undergone a spectral change. Mother's love is taken for granted just like friend's love is contant 'k'. Occassional calls and weekend meets will keep 'k' a constant unless some money-lending involves.

All this while, the mother never stopped her love for the child. As a kid she loved her mom, then her friends, then the special one, then the husband, then the kid, then.....well, there is no 'then'. The love for the kid never stops....she cannot love anyone more than her kid. (May be until super-hero 'grandchild' gives entry). A mother's love is not a human-only property. It is common to all vertebrates.....(hopefully, invertebrates dont read my blog).

Ofcourse there are other forms of love - siblings, cousins, pets, after-college friends and others that I cant clearly think of at 4 am.

Well, the point is, love is like God, it doesnt have a form. One can survive as an athiest....but not as a non-believer of love. Love is like energy, it transforms from form to form. Love is like light, it shows different colors when reflected by different objects. It doesnt have a definition.

Love involves happiness, celebration, satisfaction, inspiration, motivation, pain, disappointment, possessiveness, envy, disputes and re-union. It also involves songs and dance in Bollywood movies.

It exists in the real world!! For a man to survive, he needs, food, clothing shelter and love at every stage of his life. The best thing about love is, the more you give, the more you get.

The universe is huge, the stars small, the earth smaller, and human life very insignificant. Life is short and there is no time to be hating anyone. Fill life with love. Enlightenment.

(Disclaimer : I know some guys who love their parents than anyone else, I know guys who still talk to their friends everyday, I know Bollywood movies that dont involve song and dance. I dont claim this blog post to have said everything about love. Amen!)