Sunday, April 12, 2009

Love and my first blabbering post

"What according you is love?", was the question a friend recently brought up during a weekend gathering of 6 of us from my friend's circle. 5 years back I would have immediately thrown in my 2 pennies. The few grey hairs that decorate my side burns now, made me keep quiet. I knew the answer was not easy. I said, "I dont know". Sometimes the biggest wisdom is recognizing "I still dont know". This night, my mind is clogged with questions. So, here I am sitting under an imaginary Bhodhi tree and a 60 watts aura around me, with the knowledge that I surely wont attain enlightenment.

A couple marry. The wife loves the husband very much. They are the 'made for each other' couple. They have the 'new couple' craze for may be the next 1 year....then the craze gets tainted with the daily house hold disputes. They have not stopped loving yet.....just that they are entering a differen stage of love.

After 2 years, a child is born. The wife is a mother now. Most of her time is spent on the child. Has the love for her husband stopped? No, she still loves him. But she has someone more special to take care of now. The love spectrum has undergone a major shift.

The kid spends time around his mother most time for the next 4 years. I dont have to say that the mother's love is the purest and probably never ending form of love. The kid may not understand it at this point, but eventually he will, when he is in Appleton - away from home, writing blogs. The kid starts going to school, makes friends, meets teachers. Some kids, because of the kindness and fondness shown, love their teachers. I have seen kids who chose 'Betty Miss' Vs. Mom.

The kid becomes a teen. He reaches a stage of independence. He meets new friends. Develops new habits. He starts spending more time outside than in the house. The teachers thrust assignments. The parents thrust discipline. Naturally, he loves his friends' circle more than anything else. He has no respect for his mother/father/teacher. He may or may not love his parents depending on the pocket money and importantly how they accept his friends.

[wait now, have you already raised your eye brows and started jotting down points to retaliate? Read my disclaimer at the end. Hail the discoverer of disclaimers!!!]

The teen goes to college. He makes some special friends here. At college, especially in hostels where everyone is deserted from their family, where there isnt much to do beyond class hours, where there is so much fun, hobbies, love failures, shortage of pocket money and bad mess food, a bond develops which is stronger than the bond with siblings. Some of these frienships would continue life long.

Then eventually, there is a special one. Now, he would walk the sea, bend the sky, pluck the stars and die if needed. This could be love or infatuation. As if it were grammar, this passage should end with "What is the difference between love and infatuation?"

Infatuation eventually dies. After 2 years, assuming that there was no proposal/acceptance scene, the girl becomes an academic interest. "Oh she is doing MBA..?...I see", "Oh she married that guy Vinoth...?!?...I should have probably given a try". But - love - wherever she is, he cares for her. He may not walk the sea, bend the sky, pluck the stars, but he would sit with her one whole night listening to her problems...he would sacrifice a cricket match when she is in town(it is a big deal, girls!!)...his phonenumber/password/car registration something has her name/nick name. He never frowns that she did not marry him. He just wishes her good luck.

Well ofcourse, he could marry her and not do any of the above.

A couple of passages back we introduced some people called "life long friends". They are still there. But each of them is running his own love thread. So, the love among the friends is assumed to be global constant 'k' and can be used wherever the equation needs them.

Let us say he marries the special one. We have made a circle and come to 'New couple craze'. Wait....I ignored the mother for a long time....well, not me, HE. Right after his teenage, the love for his mother has undergone a spectral change. Mother's love is taken for granted just like friend's love is contant 'k'. Occassional calls and weekend meets will keep 'k' a constant unless some money-lending involves.

All this while, the mother never stopped her love for the child. As a kid she loved her mom, then her friends, then the special one, then the husband, then the kid, then.....well, there is no 'then'. The love for the kid never stops....she cannot love anyone more than her kid. (May be until super-hero 'grandchild' gives entry). A mother's love is not a human-only property. It is common to all vertebrates.....(hopefully, invertebrates dont read my blog).

Ofcourse there are other forms of love - siblings, cousins, pets, after-college friends and others that I cant clearly think of at 4 am.

Well, the point is, love is like God, it doesnt have a form. One can survive as an athiest....but not as a non-believer of love. Love is like energy, it transforms from form to form. Love is like light, it shows different colors when reflected by different objects. It doesnt have a definition.

Love involves happiness, celebration, satisfaction, inspiration, motivation, pain, disappointment, possessiveness, envy, disputes and re-union. It also involves songs and dance in Bollywood movies.

It exists in the real world!! For a man to survive, he needs, food, clothing shelter and love at every stage of his life. The best thing about love is, the more you give, the more you get.

The universe is huge, the stars small, the earth smaller, and human life very insignificant. Life is short and there is no time to be hating anyone. Fill life with love. Enlightenment.

(Disclaimer : I know some guys who love their parents than anyone else, I know guys who still talk to their friends everyday, I know Bollywood movies that dont involve song and dance. I dont claim this blog post to have said everything about love. Amen!)


சேரலாதன் பாலசுப்பிரமணியன் said...

WOW Bhupi!

dont know what to say :) you have chosen a perfect topic and gone in depth of it. And of course, i felt the same as you feel about the forms of love.


srikk said...

It's too good.. I wanted to say lot of things.. but you shut my mouth by writing a disclaimer :) by the way you said Love is like GOD.. so you used GOD as just an adverb here or is there something more to it? I'm just trying to pull your leg here.....:) :)

Seshadri T A said...

I love u HM :-)

Geetha said...

Too good ..surely questions arise as I read on..but definitely theres no denial as its the fact...Short n Crisp, but would've loved to read more..the flow of your writing is very enticing Bhupesh:)

bhupesh said...

Thanks folks....

Unknown said...

ummmahh.. too good. Both thought and form.

U cud have done away with the para b4 disclaimer. i cudnt explain why. just felt it deviates from the style.

Thanks for not brushing too much up on mothers love. i wud have ignored reading further, thinking it is just another mother-love-stuff, as it has been discussed in all angles possible.

Kit said...

By the way, can someone enlighten me on this, - "Does not the word - unconditional love- exist in a man's dictionary?" You have talked about women's love with positive connotation (wife's love and mother's love) but a man's love, the opposite.

Am not asking this, out of cynicism,(i did read your disclaimer) but out of ignorance, more so , of fear.

Kit said...


Please read - We often read of
women's love with positive connotation (wife's love and mother's love) but a man's love, the opposite.

my previous comment read- 'you have talked about', i did not mean to say that. Sorry

bhupesh said... these lines again:
"He may not walk the sea, bend the sky, pluck the stars, but he would sit with her one whole night listening to her problems...He just wishes her good luck."

You have already met some loving men in your life - your brother and cousins, for instance :). Men dont express love, but they are there when you need them by your side. When everything is lost, if there is still hope, it is because love exists. Love can tame an animal

Kit said...

grass itching, annnnnaaaaaa!! :)

Unknown said...

Ho! Sire what are you into! Just loved your patience to delve into this topic! :)

But, "The few grey hairs that decorate my side burns now.." type statements at this age was konjam overu!


TCS said...

Nice post Bhupesh ..I enjoyed these lines the most 'The kid may not understand it at this point, but eventually he will, when he is in Appleton - away from home, writing blogs' :))

~ said...

Beautiful piece writing & nicely composed. I should appreciate the length. It's neither short nor long & covers everything.

Finally - Love is GOD... It's true...

bhupesh said...

makkale.....romba nanRi

Siva said...

Very nice Bhupesh...Good thinking

Still excepting more from you.. NOT in size, in different angles.

Keep writing