Monday, April 5, 2010

"Doc...what did you make me gulp?"

I wouldnt say this is new to me or you. You have all been there, there and there. And I wouldnt say the below is all true..I dont half remember what happened to me in real life in the last two days; to give a unadultered version of my dreams in the same period, would be impossible and boring. There are stuffs that I have made up.

On Friday evening, I, along with my friends, returned from a trip to "black thunder" (a theme park near Coimbatore). The taste of masala puri taken at black thunder was lingering in my tongue, and, so I took it for dinner too. I climbed the innumerable steps to my mansion room, took bath (to wipe off the chlorine) and scanned through my book-shelf....then scanned through the DVD collection. "Delhi 6" was inviting. I sat with my laptop. Watched the movie, then as usual, read a few facts about the movie on the net. Got reminded of "Pirates of Carribean" somehow and watched a few clips from the movie. That's the point till which my brain cells have a clear record of. Many people in the rest of the story are real life characters, but I dont know what business they had in my dream - especially Abhishek Bachchan.

I was sitting in "Lalkudi" restaurant, waiting for a table, when a guy next to me started talking in Malayalam. I noticed that his forehead had a "KL" registration. I told him, "Sorry, I dont speak Malayalam". He again said something in Malayalam - the only thamizh word being 'Time'. I told him, "Sorry, I dont understand a word of Malayalam". He showed me the TV. Anil Kumble was being interviewed by my uncle and Kumble declared that Malayalam will be Coimbatore's official language effective immediately. I was starting to feel very insecure about myself. These mallu guys already had a very streamlined body like a fresh water fish and had their way with girls with the sweet language they spoke. Now, that being the official language, I had to learn it. Abhishek Bachchan agreed to help me. After all, he had the best American accent by an Indian actor (Kamal Hasan ranking second). "What an idea sir'ji?" - I told him. There was a condition though, Amitabh would take the introductory session. I was cool with anything.

The new woodland shoes started biting. Peter said, "What is the need for a shoe in black thunder...come on, have you ever been to a water theme park?". He pushed me into the water and said "Savvy!!". I laid in the water, for how long I dont know. I was still in the water, but I knew that everyone in the world had left. They did not know that I was in black thunder drowned in the 'lazy river' which is 2 feet deep. I suddenly remembered that black thunder was for sale. May be, people just left black thunder and not the world. Even if they did leave the world, the first one to go would have been a mallu and I knew the official language in the new earth was Malayalam. So, I was happy to be left out here.

I knew I had to wake up, but could not. I felt heat all over the body. May be I was in a fire ride and not a water ride. These guys used to have something called "Volcano". I realized that I could get out of this, if I could finish one of the 3 tasks I was supposed to do.

1. How better could have "Delhi 6" ended.
2. Set up hints for a treasure hunt that we were planning to have in office.
3. Complete the blog post about "Why I am not expressive" - which I had promised to Jai that I would write about.

I had a tough time choosing between the 3. They all seemed equally tough. With my hands and legs tied, with my nose blocked and with a soar throat which made me mute, I could not do much. Suddenly, one of my friends appeared and said - "You never really care for your friends. You care for only the pretty ones". At this, I was very very deeply hurt and woke up with all my might. I picked my phone and messaged her saying "Watch 'Dog day afternoon'. Al Pacino is awesome". She replied immediately saying, "I asked you to watch 'Amelie'. Have you?". "I think I have swine flu or something. Or may be it is just because I read '3 men on a boat', the other day. Will call you when I am fully conscious".

After 10 minutes, I was a little conscious. The time was 10.30am. I had cold. I was having a bad throat - not as cute as Rani Mukherjee's though. I had fever. I searched my roommate's medical box and found a tablet that said "Crocin - Cold and Flu". Gulped it and went down to take break fast. I asked for warm water to drink and it tasted like elixir (no, I havent tasted elixir). Back to room, I had a pile of clothes to wash. I soaked them in RIN (no, they are not sponsoring this post) and surfed the net a bit. You know, I am immune, brave and all that. So, inspite of the fever, I washed the clothes. The power went off. I thought of lying down for sometime.

Peter woke me up and said - "It is already Sunday and you are not doing anything about your fever. Will Abhishek Bachchan come and fill in for you tomorrow?". But I was helpless. I was already outside of the universe. Jai had trans-ported me through digital imaging for his project. May be, I am yet to get used to the trans-porting..and hence the fever, body pain etc. He has promised to get me back to earth during the maintenance window which was on Saturday night EST (Earth Standard Time). I hoped, he remembered that due to Day Light Saving, the timings have changed.

It must have been about time, for someone was playing 'Nenjukkul peidhidum maamazhai' and I could hear it. The guitar's vibration forced me to wake up. I realized that it was my phone. My cousin was trying to reach me. I hid the phone under the pillow and mumbled "I need some oxygen or may be adrenalin. Depends". That suddenly reminded me that I had to meet the doctor.

The time was 3.30pm. I woke up in a hurry. The body started aching. I still didnt have a clue as to how better "Delhi 6" should have ended. I should probably start with the blog post. But, first, Doctor. I shaved as much as I could, for I did not want the doctor to conclude that I was just dying out of hunger and really was not sick. I walked down the 4 storey mansion. There was a clinic just opposite to my mansion. The board read "Consulting hours - 5pm to 6pm". $#*&# (I don't normally swear or curse). To hell with doctors, they dont work half the time the rest of the world works. I walked the street to see if there was any other clinic. There were 5. One was a homeopathy clinic, one for pregnant women, one was an eye-care clinic, one specialized in skin disease and the other said "Dr.X, BSc Medicine" - wait, are you kidding!!.

I had a cup of tea and climbed 4 floors back. The next thing I did was to sleep again. I set the alarm for 5pm and kept the phone far away from me, least I would hide it under the pillow again.

Myself, Peter, my cousin, some doctor and Sonam Kapoor(Peter had a crush for her, but I was Abhishek Bachchan..right? Don't tell Peter.) were running around Black Thunder to find the next hint for the treasure hunt. Peter shouted in Malayalam "Werent you the one who set the hint..why are you running with us?".
"The hints that I had set were before Black Thunder was sold off" - I shouted back in Malayalam..(Wow...did you notice accent?). He seemed confused.
My cousin sent me a message saying - "pls call me". I thought he must have got lost somewhere. But my phone was the treasure we were trying to find. Idiot, how the hell could I call him, when the very thing we were searching for was my phone. Then it occurred to me that if I could read the message, then probably the phone was somewhere near. I woke up and found the phone in my hand. My cousin had really messaged me and I had really read it. Anyways, he was getting on my nerves. Lazy guy, had no work to do on Saturdays and was probably trying to reach me to say 'Hi'. I replied saying - "Hey..I am fine. Coimbatore is equally hot. Black Thunder was disappointing. Will call later. Busy now" and switched off the phone. The time was 4.45 anyways.

Washed my face and went down again. Fever wasn't there now, throat had cleared goodness...I had atleast one reason to go to the doctor - I still had body pain. I was happy for that (!!!). The doctor had no compounder, no nurse, one fan and a poster that said "Swine Flu is curable....blah..blah".
The doc looked like he bunked his medicine classes for the 5 to 6 consulting session. I told him that I had fever. He took the thermometer. I said, "It is
not there now". I told him that I had a bad throat. He asked me to pull my tongue out. I said, "It is better now".

"Do you have blocked nose"


"Do you have cough"




He looked confused. Probably he thought I was not going to give him the consultation fees.

"But I had body pain and it is still there"..I smiled as I said that.

He checked my blood pressure. He asked me to breathe in and out, while he probed my back with his steth. (Is this guy, just using all his equipments).

"What do you do?..I mean, where do you work"
"In a private firm" (I prefer not to tell that I work in IT field...I might be robbed).

He gave me one of those looks that interview panelists give when they want to say "Could you eloborate that?".

"I am a programmer in a small company"
"Which one?"
"Cognizant" ( I will be robbed).

He scribbled the names of 3 tablets. ( I later found that one of them was paracetamol) and asked me to take rest.
"Three zero"
(Wow!!..dude, he is a good know...not all doctors are like that).

The medicines costed me 97.13 (VAT inclusive).

It was only 6pm. But I badly wanted to give myself a psychological boost. Took 4 idlies, pretending to my stomach that it was dinner and took the tablets. Ofcourse, slept off again. I started shivering after sometime. Started having cough. I had a blocked nose. "Did the doc ask me those questions, to know the symptoms or to give me those symptoms?". I decided to google and check what those tablets were for - but only after I woke up. I knew I was not asleep, but I knew I was not awake either. By the way, "How better could have 'Delhi 6' ended?".

I could sleep no more after 9pm. I felt better, like, a fresh water fish from Kerala. Called my friend and explained why I had not seen "Amelie" yet. Called
my cousin and gave him an account of the Black Thunder trip. Made sure, he didnt talk about it again. Opened the laptop and decided to write about the blog on "Being Expressive"....but switched to an earlier promise made to Arvindh, about writing a fiction and got that done.

Went to bed at 2.30am. Had a good sleep. No dreams...or may be I just dont remember them. Woke up at 6 and logged in immediately to see if there were any comments on the new post. Srikk, Seshu and Subi had declared that it was no fiction and that it was an account of my love-failure in real life. "How better could I end this story?" - I thought. Gave it a second climax..which was more bollywood types - just so that it would sound really like a fiction.

Soon, me and my Appleton friends got into a conference call - a long one. When I got off the call, the power went off. I took my morning dosage of the medicine and slept off. No dreams..or may be I just dont remember them. When I woke up, I had no body pain, no cold...but fever was still there. I was happy that I had a reason to have one more dosage of the tablets (What kind of disease is this? Is this a symptom of swine flu?). Delhi 6 climax didnt matter any more. I finished setting hints for the treasure hunt. Thought "Being expressive" needed more time for assimilation, and instead decided to write about the last 2 days of absolute laziness.

I am going to see what those tablets were meant for. I still have fever. Cheers!


Krithika said...

HM, nice narration of ur weekend.. I cud sense the NRI in u as i read thru.. Delhi 6 avlo thakidutha unna.. it is sad to hear that black thunder was disappointing.. BTW, I feel like having masala puri now.. u cud have avoided that sentence considering ppl at Appleton.. :(

Anonymous said...

So loosely coupled but still tightly coupled. A bit lengthy. Could have done this in 2 parts :)

Can't believe that the doc took only 30 even after knowing your profession. :)

Kit said...

Good try at humour. Liked it. BTW, the 'expressive thing' is a co-incidence :)I could not read the Tamil one. Will try in someone else's system.

Sherin said...

Am I imagining things or do I see a hint of inspiration from "3 men in a boat" in the narrative of your experience with the doctor? :)) Good humorous writing.. it ws refreshing to read.

soundarya said...

very humorous narration..despite not being well you wrote this so well :)

fiction + real characters...

am yet to see delhi-6 to know about the ending..

so visited 4th doctor? ;)

loved this post :)

bhupesh said... happy that I didnt mention the name of the shop :)

Keer and Sounds, thank you!!

Vero...3 men in a boat might have had some influence...though at the time of writing the blog, I had read only the first 10 pages or so.

Prem...yes 30 was a surprise, but I had to spend close to 500 thereafter because I had to visit 3more doctors after that :(

Sundar said...

Good one!

In my view, this one (dreams, black thunder, delhi6 and doctor) should have been complex to put it in writing.

Liked the mallu part of the dream in specific!!